The past 2 months and 9 days have been rough. I've struggled to find happiness in many things. Although this is unlike me, it has made things in my life very real. For the first time in my 26 years of life I am realizing that these feelings are ok to have. I don't always have to be the life of the party(even though I truly enjoy it). I've learned to be sad even when others around me get uncomfortable.
Spiritually speaking I feel like I have been stretched, sometimes beyond what I think I can handle. And I'm not quite sure what God wants me to learn sometimes.
Spencer and Emily Bogle are missionaries in Jinja and life long friends. I recently read a post that Spencer put on the Jinja blog and it helped me figure out some things.
Spence talked about missing Adam being around and not just for his famous stories, but for the times just sitting at the table with him. Although Adam and I have been apart for many years, I know that when it comes time to visit my family I will feel that void too. I'll miss playing cards with him. I'll really miss playing games outside. Going to the Langfords was always fun. We almost always ended up playing a game that was usually just made up, all you needed was a ball of any kind and a great imagination.
Spence also used a quote from Christ plays in Ten Thousand Places, by Eugene Peterson. It reads, "The story in which God does His saving work arises among a people whose primary experience of God is his absence"
I know that God is here in the midst of all the heartache. Suffering has been a big part of my life recently, but God is still in my face keeping me going even when its a lot harder.
I guess I'll have to keep my chin up for now, and keep on trusting that God is here working in me.